My Mental Health: Part three, Self love and esteem

Loving myself and confidence has always been something that I have struggled with for several years now.
It started when I was young and still in grade school.

When I was still a good little Christian boy and went to church every sunday, I would constantly get bullied by the other kids that attended alongside with me.
In the beginning stages I would just let them do whatever they wanted and would just laugh it off. The only reason that I let them step all over me is because I would constantly remember certain teachings in the bible such as “turn the other cheek” and “judge and be judge”

But because I am human I eventually ran out of patience so I would begin to fight back and when I did I would get in trouble each and every single time. Even when I was in the right I would get into trouble whether it be telling the other kids to stop messing with me, telling the other parents to help me out, and even when I was getting beat up and fought them off. Whatever I did to try to get them to stop just caused me to get into trouble again and again.

Eventually just gave up and kept quiet. This not only ate me up from the inside but also gave my self-esteem a massive blow. I began to feel worthless, helpless, and depressed and when I went to talk to other members of the church I used to be in, all they would do is invalidate and toss aside my concerns and frustrations. With no outlet, it threw me deeper and deeper into a depression.

As much as I am aware that this is the only problem that I have brought up, it is actually the most significant problem as I had to deal with the bullying, the condescending comments, and the teasing ever since I was born.

Either way, significant or not, depression and the causes of depression are significant big or small. It is healthy for one to vent every now and then and there is absolutely no shame in doing so.
If you need to let it out, do so and with someone who understands completely and will listen without patronizing or condescending you.
Make sure you do whatever you need to do in order to get into a better headspace.

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