Having little to no self-confidence is a common bump in the road that many people encounter and where other problems such as depression and suicidal thoughts often originate.
However there are only a couple key steps that can help you build your depression back up.
The first step is to see who you keep around for company.
This can make or break your path to building up your confidence.
If you hang around people that are constantly complaining and whining about how hard and difficult life is then you will eventually succumb to that type of negative energy and thought process, hindering your progress to building up your self-confidence.
A couple of years ago, I used to hang around people that were constantly complaining and negative and that type of energy rubbed off on me. I started experiencing that I was more depressed than before, I was constantly irritable, and that I was looking to others to tell me what I wanted to hear. These negative influences are often complaining, always looking at the negative face of life, and have extremely entitled opinions and expectations and can be extremely difficult to get rid of once you become friends with them.
What you will find is that the moment they find out you are pulling away they will do anything in their power to bring you back into their pit of self-sabotage and despair. From what I personally have experienced, the negative influences in my life constantly asked me for my “opinion” on various situations, always asked for money, never thought twice before starting rumors about me, and always tried to draw attention to themselves.
What I had noticed after separating myself from the negative company, is that I felt less tired, more energetic, and far more positive which was a clear indication that the company that I used to hang out with were nothing more than depressed individuals who had no intention of improving themselves and wanted to bring others down with them.
The second step in building self-confidence back up is counting your blessings and tell yourself that you are the hottest news around and that everyone else is beneath you.
While the second part of what I have told you to do sounds incredibly conceited and overly self-centered, it is a vital part of building up your self-confidence. The whole problem with not having self-confidence is that you constantly tell yourself that you are worthless and are nothing but a failure. Telling yourself that you are the hottest news and that everyone s beneath you helps to counter those thoughts and will help to keep yourself from bringing yourself down any further than you already have.
Positive purpose aside, make sure that you don’t shove those thoughts down other peoples throats and to yourself as forcing those thoughts is nothing more than conceited.
Counting your blessings will help you to focus on the positive side of life and less on the negatives. Doing so will help you realize that you are actually better off than many others out there.
These two steps to building your self-confidence can be much harder than I make them sound but they are not impossible to perform. Take your time, ask for help, and make sure to surround yourself with positive influences.
This is going to be the first post in my ‘toughen up’ series where I tell you my experiences with overly sensitive people and how you and others can toughen up with certain issues.
Triggers and trigger warnings is a topic that very many people are constantly in hot debate about and is also something that makes my blood boil every time I hear it.
The reason that I am bringing this up is because the phrase “Im so triggered” is being not only overused within the LGBT community but it is also being abused. Although triggers do exist and are completely valid, there are multiple times where telling someone that you are triggered by a certain thought or word is completely and absolutely inappropriate and downright disrespectful.
First example that I have where trigger warnings were inappropriately used is when I was scrolling through my instagram.
Being a model, youtube, and makeup artist, I naturally have many very attractive female friends whom I follow on social media.
One day I was scrolling through my Instagram feed, liking my friend’s photos and leaving comments as I would usually do when all of a sudden I hear someone yelling at me “YOU ARE SUCH A MISOGYNIST AND ARE OBJECTIFYING WOMEN!!!! I’M SO TRIGGERED”
I told the person to go screw off as there is nothing wrong with liking and commenting on photos on Instagram and especially so since the girls whose photos I was liking and commenting on where my friends.
Not only did I have every right to do whatever the hell I want in my own social media, but the person had absolutely no right or reason to be looking over my shoulder and monitoring what I was doing on my phone.
The second example was when I was talking about my weight loss.
I had recently lost 5 pounds so I was telling my friends about it since it is a significant event for me as I am pre-diabetic.
As I was telling my friends on how I lost the weight, another person decided to butt in and say “I’m very triggered by what you are talking about so you need to change topics”
Not only was I very taken aback by the comment but I was also rather livid as the person had no reason or business listening in on my achievements. Instead of congratulating on my successes they decided to try to bring me back down.
The conversation that I was having with my friends was of absolutely no concern to the person. I cannot help but think that such a person is nothing more than insecure about their own weight and wants nothing more but to bring me down to their level.
The third example is when I was talking about makeup and heels with my friends. This clearly offended someone as that particular someone decided to come over to me and my group to tell me to stop talking about makeup and heels as it was “triggering” to them.
Safe to say that I gave them a few glances up and down before telling them off.
What I am trying to say here is that although triggers are real, there is absolutely no reason where you should be going to other people and telling them that what they are talking about if it makes you a bit uncomfortable.
There are people who have actual triggers and going around screaming “I’m triggered” about the smallest most minor situations is not only going to make you look like a complete idiot, but it is also disrespectful to those who have actual triggers in life. You’ll not only make them look bad but also keep them from getting the compensation that they need in order to function regularly in life.
With all of that being said, make sure to respect others and their patience as not many people are not as calm and collected as I am.
Loving myself and confidence has always been something that I have struggled with for several years now.
It started when I was young and still in grade school.
When I was still a good little Christian boy and went to church every sunday, I would constantly get bullied by the other kids that attended alongside with me.
In the beginning stages I would just let them do whatever they wanted and would just laugh it off. The only reason that I let them step all over me is because I would constantly remember certain teachings in the bible such as “turn the other cheek” and “judge and be judge”
But because I am human I eventually ran out of patience so I would begin to fight back and when I did I would get in trouble each and every single time. Even when I was in the right I would get into trouble whether it be telling the other kids to stop messing with me, telling the other parents to help me out, and even when I was getting beat up and fought them off. Whatever I did to try to get them to stop just caused me to get into trouble again and again.
Eventually just gave up and kept quiet. This not only ate me up from the inside but also gave my self-esteem a massive blow. I began to feel worthless, helpless, and depressed and when I went to talk to other members of the church I used to be in, all they would do is invalidate and toss aside my concerns and frustrations. With no outlet, it threw me deeper and deeper into a depression.
As much as I am aware that this is the only problem that I have brought up, it is actually the most significant problem as I had to deal with the bullying, the condescending comments, and the teasing ever since I was born.
Either way, significant or not, depression and the causes of depression are significant big or small. It is healthy for one to vent every now and then and there is absolutely no shame in doing so.
If you need to let it out, do so and with someone who understands completely and will listen without patronizing or condescending you.
Make sure you do whatever you need to do in order to get into a better headspace.
So this is the second part of my mental health series where I disclose struggles that I’ve never brought to light to anyone aside from myself.
In this section, i will be focusing on one of my biggest issues……. my weight.
My weight has been one of the biggest problems that I have had to deal with from a very young age to the present. And to be honest, it has caused me to indulge in some rather damaging practices.
The first issues that I came across were eating disorders with the first being anorexia.
This is when I had just started having a problem with my weight and as any other teen out there, my method to deal with it was to starve myself. However, because I loved food too much, it didn’t take long for me to quit the practice of starving myself and switch to another issue….. bulimia.
The problem here is that I often switched back and forth between bulimia and anorexia.
What would often happen is that there would be a period of time where I was anorexic and then there would be another period of time where I would be bulimic.
I remember clearly that I would starve myself for periods of time before I would binge eat on large amounts of food and then purge right after.
Doing this was not only damaging to my mental health but my physical health as well.
There would be some times where I would be weak, sick and lightheaded, normal at others, and have diarrhea at the rest.
The second problem with my weight are the pills that I used to take.
The first time I took weight loss pills was Hydroxycut black and it wreaked havoc on my body.
For the first week, I was able to lose weight and I did slim down by three inches around my waist, however, the next two weeks were absolute HELL for me and my body.
During the second week, I was having diarrhea but it wasn’t like normal diarrhea but rather clear water which was not only alarming but also rather painful.
By the third week, I was feeling very weak and nauseous most of the time which resulted in me vomiting every couple of days.
The worst part is that even the slightest bit of stress would set me off and cause me to begin gagging and eventually vomit.
The purpose of this story is to tell others out there who may be going through the same issues that I have been and currently still am dealing with.
Please do not partake in any of these habits as it does so much more harm to your body than good.
I hope you all the best out there.